Plato differs from Aristotle in at least one sense: Plato is a dualist. He is of the view that the spirit and the body are two different, separate entities. For Plato, the spirit is imprisoned in the body, and is released at death. For Aristotle, the body and soul are a composite unity. Let's go along with Plato for a while. I'm going to use his dualism to explain the overwhelming tragedy of my life. I've been thinking about this tragedy over and over again, and the only answer I seem to get for the questions I repeatedly ask about why I'm the way I am is dualism. This is what I believe. Now, before I go on, I better post a disclaimer: This is not Catholic teaching. This is the fruit of private reflection on why I am a tragedy; why I am the way I am.
Yesterday, I said that the reason my life is a tragedy is that I have nothing: I am very poor; I have no father; I have no mother; I have no lover or close friend or best friend - what some call soul mate, a person with whom you walk the journey of life and derive comfort from; I have no material property; I am fat, dark, big and awkward; I do not play sports; I have semi-knock knees; I am pretty much a loser, BUT am (perceived nonetheless to be) proud, arrogant, larger than life; too this, and too that, and too that other thing. This tragedy, which defines me, results from the fact that my spirit and my body are not well matched. This concept, of a spirit not being properly matched with a body, is what I call the concept of the inchoate soul.
The concept of the inchoate soul, like I have said, is not Catholic teaching, but to my mind it does not expressly contradict it. If I become a priest, it obviously is not something I will preach from any pulpit - a priest, while still a deacon, takes an oath to preach only what the Church teaches. This concept is simply a private one, which I use to explain my tragedy to myself. So, let's continue: inchoate soul. The concept of the inchoate soul is the situation where a spirit is embodied in a body that is inappropriate. Now, think of a lady. She has a pair of slacks. She bought it when she was say, 199lb. Then she put on a few, and then became say, 214lb and suddenly the pair of slacks does not fit. But she has a mom who insists that the poor lady wear that pair of slacks to a party. The young lady, to please her mom, puts on the slacks. All through the party she is very uncomfortable. It shows in the way she walks and how she's always tugging at her pants. She truly is uncomfortable, and why? Because her body is clothed by clothes that do not fit.
Now, think of the spirit as the lady's body, and think of the body as the lady's clothes. Sometimes, a spirit is embodied in a body that does not fit. The soul that results from a spirit embodied in a body that does not fit is called the inchoate soul. Inchoate souls are everywhere. Think of people that describe themselves for example as transgender. These are classic examples of the inchoate soul. They go through life in say, a woman's body while they staunchly believe that they were supposed to be men, or vice versa. Homosexuals - and again, this is private thought - are also inchoate souls. I don't mean to be offensive. A man has a body made for having penetrative sex with a woman, who in turn has a body designed to receive the penetrating instrument of a man. This is the natural ideal. However, homosexual men - even though their body is ideally designed for women - find that they desire men. This clearly is a situation where the desire, as proceeding from the capacity of the spirit, finds out that its body does not fit; does not correspond. For "bottoms" they conceive within themselves the sexual capacity belonging to a woman, and for "tops" they conceive within themselves the sexual capacity belonging to a woman who was close to her father; was sporty, or was fascinated by or envious of the dominant potential of the male. There are many intricate details involved in applying the concept of the inchoate soul to homosexuality. A post will not permit a full analysis or explanation thereof.
There are some people as well that were born in a certain country or culture, but while in that country or culture, they never seemed to fit. They always stood out. The body of their cultural experience could not fit their human spirit. Such people may be called "transnationals." Furthermore, people who are called for example tomboys are simply the spirits of should-have-been boys in the bodies of girls; in varying degrees. Indeed, anyone who appears to be unconsciously acting a certain way to others, when the majority of the people that look like them, share the same biological characteristics with them, act a different way, is an inchoate soul. I am an inchoate soul, and the fact that I am an inchoate soul shows in many more ways than one. My spirit is embodied in a body that does not even begin to fit. My body is far, far, far from fitting my spirit. This suggestive duality means that my spirit unfortunately "chose" (recall Iyanla Vanzant) a body that could not fit. Recall what Jesus said about putting new wine into old wineskins and how the skins would burst if one did that (Mark 2:22). My spirit is like the new wine and my body is like the old wineskin. The one does not fit the other, and that is why I hate myself, and am dissatisfied and uncomfortable in my own person.
From where does a spirit derive its body? First from the participatory framework of the family, and then from the nation, and then from the global society, which in any case is demographically specific. I come from a biological family that does not contain me. What does it mean to say that your biological family does not contain you? You see, there are some people that are so excited about their family. Their family pretty much defines them. They always want to go and be with their biological relatives all the time. They want to collect their family members together and have a party; they love spending all their time with their biological family. It is not so for me. Even though we share biological characteristics, I could live out the rest of my life happily even if I never got to see my biological brothers ever again. I could content myself with simply talking with them over the phone or receiving emails from them once in a while. It's not as if I don't love them. No senor! God forbid that I should not love my brothers. It's just that they are not the ideal of what a family should be for me. I love them and wish them well, but I sometimes wish I had a different family setting. I wish I had a father that lived on and on till I was say, 80 years old; and a mother that lived till I was say, 85. I wish I had one younger brother, to whom I was in many ways a best friend: a younger brother that was my best man at my wedding; a younger brother to whom I told everything; a younger brother that could die for love of me. And then I wish I had one sister, whom I was fond of and dotted on, who married a guy that sort of formed a triad with me and my younger brother, sort of like the three musketeers. And I wish we lived in a nice house, and were all successful in our chosen careers. My current nuclear family, of me and three brothers only (no dad or mom), is a bodily (think of body, as used in this regard, as being natural environment) situation that does not fit the ideal of what family means to me; does not fit the desires characteristic of my spiritual capacity.
Or an individual's nation. I was born into a country that in many ways my spirit does not consider fitting. Some people are so proud of their country. You need to see how they boast about being from there. I too, even if I do not gloat over it, love Nigeria with all my heart and mind. There is no good thing on earth I do not wish for that blessed country. I wish it each good thing. But I could live the rest of my life easily without ever going there again. Easily. Indeed, it would be the easiest thing, to never visit Nigeria again. It is a country that does not fit my personal ideals. When I think of an ideal country for me, it's this one in which I live. As far back as when I was a little child, watching television programs from this land, I fantasized about being here. I could easily live here forever. Easily. Or an individual's race. I love Africa with all my might and mind and soul. There is no good thing I do not wish for Africa and all her people. Each good thing there is, I wish it for Africa. But I realize that living in this world as a Black person for me - and this is for me, personally - I will be unable to be perfectly satisfied. Personally. There are millions of Black people who would not be anything else. They are 100% proud of who they are. And I love them completely and respect them. But personally, I feel that my spiritual capacity would find best fit in a White body.
And so it is that my spirit is inchoately embodied in a familial, national, and racial situation that does not fit. The sources of my flesh and blood (family; dad and mom), my national identity, and my demographic identity (race) all do not fit the desires characteristic of my spiritual capacity. This is why I hate myself. I come from a family, a nation and a race I could not consciously choose for myself. Indeed, another way of explaining the concept of inchoate soul is to say to someone: You did not consciously choose your family, nation and race of birth. But now that you have attained age 18 at least, would you choose these things for yourself if you could? If the person says no - classic inchoate soul! I am an inchoate soul. Now, there are degrees of perfection of inchoateness. Some souls are more inchoate than others, and some are less. This is an aspect of the concept that this post will not treat, for space. My spirit, because of how it was lived out in the previous body that enclosed it, needed to learn a lesson, and so was inchoately placed in this body, to test it, and purify it. My understanding is that the body that housed my spirit in a past life was proud, arrogant, larger than life; too intense, too this and too that, and too that other thing. (Recall a previous post where I talked about Queen Clayton Bansot). The lesson the spirit needed to learn at the end of the life of that soul (when that body released the spirit of which this body is the current custodian) is humility.
In what body would such a spirit learn humility? Such a body would be born (produced) in sorry circumstances; circumstances that would force it to be poor and needy, and lowly. And so that spirit (which was proud, and arrogant, and larger than life, and too this, and too that, and too that other thing) had to be placed in the body of a dark, poverty-stricken, orphan foreigner boy, who would realize how inchoate he was and choose a life of religion, so as to be alone and perpetually poor; and obedient to superiors perpetually placed over him. And so, when people see me, they sense that spirit (the spirit of Queen Clayton Bansot - refer to my post of this character and her life history) which in a regal body in a previous life behaved like royalty and did outstanding things in a proud self-glorying way; think in this regard of a loud, histrionic, ambitious celebrity. But my body, the way it was produced in this life, because of the circumstances of its birth, is supposed to behave a certain way. So let's say for example that the spirit I hold in my body were that of a humble, lower middle class, Black African man in a previous life, I would be perfectly comfortable in myself, and others would easily see me as I saw myself, and I would fit into the society I chose, because I would naturally choose my own kind, because I would be my own kind inside and out, and be perfectly comfortable with it. But when my body holds a spirit that belonged to an extremely popular, very wealthy, royal Caucasian military Queen, then you can see why I would have identity and personality difficulties as a poor, foreigner, dark-skinned Black African religious seminarian boy.
My spirit is currently being tested. God in his infinite majesty wants to augment the capacities of my spirit with one more crucial capacity - humility. And I had better get on with learning it. When my spirit is augmented with the additional quality of genuine humility (as shown in selflessness, sensitivity, simplicity, service and sanctity), this body will release it at death; and the soul thus produced, Samuel, will go to purgatory to rest and see if the same spirit embodied this time around in a worthy body, which hopefully will be thin (please God, let it be a thin body!), meso-ectomorphic; 5ft11'; White (but tanable); lean-stomached; with dad and mom that live till he himself is old and gray; wealthy; genius - indeed, a body that can bear the spirit of the one who essentially will be the Son of the Spirit. I have talked about him in a previous post. In purgatory, Samuel will watch the spirit I now hold caged - a spirit that cannot do all it could because of the limitations of body - operate in the body of the Spirit's Son (a person of British and Italian ethnicity; born in a family, nation, and race that he feels contains him at last), and produce the soul of the one that will usher in the Blessed World Institution. [The reason the Spirit's Son would need to be humble is so that he will be able to contain the amount of greatness he will be charged with.]
This person will be happy in his own body. [And by the way, being male is pretty much the only thing I love about myself in this life (from a biological perspective). It's the only thing I got right (that fits) bodily speaking.] This person will be 5 feet and 11 inches only; this person will be thin, with a stomach that goes inward (concave), rather than protrudes outward. This person will be handsome, and rich and influential. This person will be popular and sporty, and a true genius at last (straight A rather than AB). This person will at last love his body well enough to give it to a woman (in short be a perfect heterosexual, as he has always wanted to be, and ideally is). This person will usher in the Blessed World Institution, and fulfill all his potential in a perfect way. This person will not be seen as uppity, or proud, or arrogant (a spirit inhabiting a limited space), but will be seen as great; pure and simple - you know how some people are great, and yet called humble. Isn't that just the neatest! This person will be at home at last in his nuclear family (father, mother - that live long till he himself is at least 80; and brother best friend, and sister). This person will live a good and accomplished life, and will die and release the spirit back to God. He will then lead Samuel from purgatory to heaven, because Samuel will see him do all he (Samuel) could never do and so will attain satisfaction, and release from purgatory. All other inchoate souls engendered by this spirit operative over time in different bodies from evolution to successive evolution of soul too would be released and all return with the spirit to God. That strand of God's creative principle would then be complete, and his work of universal creation would be further along the road to completion.
And so, the spirit I hold is being augmented. It is a painful process. Uncomfortable too. But necessary. I need to learn humility, and I am in the best place to learn it, a Catholic religious seminary. A large, overweight, knock-kneed, awkward, poor, dark-skinned, Black African foreigner orphan loser boy burdened with the spirit of an extremely popular, very wealthy, royal Caucasian military Queen strives to learn humility and augment the spirit that will eventually be the burden of the Spirit's Son - classic case of an inchoate soul, Samuel. It is a struggle of identity, of self-discovery; of growth and human development. And how is it a possible story? Through sacrifice. The Gnostics said that the only way Jesus could get rid of his limiting body was to sacrifice it. Now, Gnostic teaching is not Catholic, but the point I am trying to make here is this: The only way an inchoate soul can be saved - and this has nothing to do with Jesus, but any inchoate soul; and the Gnostics were seeing Jesus as an inchoate soul, which he was not; anyway, back to what we were talking about - is through sacrifice of the self.
In other words, an inchoate soul says: "I give this self of mine to you, Lord. You save it." In my case, my entire life is sacrifice. To live, to thrive, and to succeed, I realize that I have to perform sacrifice after sacrifice after sacrifice. I am sacrificing my biological family, including the potential of giving myself to a woman (a body I don't yet love enough to give to anyone anyway) and bearing children, in preference of a spiritual family, my religious community. I am sacrificing my birth nation in preference of the nation I currently live in, a nation I adore and love and worship. And I am sacrificing my identity as a Black African boy in preference of the identity of Christ (by becoming an "other Christ," and thereby taking on a new identity and character and nature, in an English Roman Church - recall the principle of British-Italian, which is the ethnicity of the Spirit's Son), and thus positioning myself to evolve in soul and spirit, upon the progressive sacrifice of my body. In other words, through the Promises of chastity: choosing personal sanctity, instead of sexual love and relationships; obedience: choosing selfless service instead of personal aggrandizement (unpaid public service; laying down the self for the other; "pouring away the life in libation" at the behest of the superior); and poverty: choosing simplicity and sensitivity to the poor and less fortunate that resemble what my biology prescribes for me in an inchoate world, I become saved, and destroy in myself the trappings of negative emotions.
And so, I am where I should be. I am destined to be a priest in my religious community. To miss this vocation is to miss what I was born for. God forbid that this happens. May I keep my place in the seminary, dear God. But it will be a hard road ahead. I will never truly belong, even in my religious community. But I will keep my place through endless sacrificing, on and on, and on. Sacrificing each and every day (by choosing all the occasions when my religious brothers reject me for who I am, an inchoate soul, as I know they will from time to time because they find it difficult to understand); doing practical epistemology and ethics, and always looking toward the afterlife and the perfection of God's promise, I will survive. And that's as good as it gets. [Can anyone now see why I love the Prayer of St Francis so much? "Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me bring love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light, and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to everlasting life. Amen."
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